Risk
by greenconverses
Summary: Elizabeth didn’t know what made her angrier: her senior staff’s blatant refusal to take anything seriously or the fact that Rodney had just called John a “cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.” Tag to The Game.


**Author's notes:** Inspired by a game of _Risk_ I played while babysitting a pair of fourth graders where I pretty much got my ass handed to me. Embarrassing, but excellent fic fodder. And did anyone really think Sheppard and McKay would convert to chess so easily? Tiny spoilers for The Game, Season Three, and not much else. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Stargate Altantis_ or anything associated it with, except maybe a Season One DVD set.

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Risk**

"What the hell did you just do?"

"I'm pretty sure I just kicked your ass right out of Canada, McKay. Didn't you see your pieces go flying off the board?"

"You didn't…you can't! That's not fair! You cheated!"

"I didn't cheat! I play by the rules, unlike someone in this room – "

"What rules? You weren't playing by the rules when you conquered the Middle East!"

"Whatever, McKay. You sat there and whined about do-overs for twenty minutes after the fact. You could've built up your army and attacked again, but – "

"You weren't rolling the right amount of dice, Sheppard! Why should I have to waste my limited supply of soldiers when I had conquered that land fair and square in the first place?"

Elizabeth Weir stared in disbelief at the sight she had just walked in on.

While Rodney McKay and John Sheppard were known for arguing over anything and everything, this really took the proverbial cake. Arguing over a _board game_. And not even a full week after their last 'game' had nearly resulted in the destruction of two civilizations.

It had been fine when Rodney and John had been playing chess. Chess was a civilized game and didn't involve assuming destructive leadership roles of countries and alien nations. She knew it had been too good to last. At least she hadn't caught them playing a bootleg copy of _The Sims_ on the Atlantis mainframe.

Yet.

Elizabeth didn't know what made her angrier: her senior staff's blatant refusal to take anything seriously or the fact that Rodney had just called John a "cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater."

"Gentlemen," she spat, hoping her tone conveyed the fact that she thought neither man deserved such a title at the moment.

Rodney paused in the middle of his latest red-faced, finger-pointing retort, and glanced at her, his face draining of color instantly. John followed his gaze and winced as she leveled her furious gaze at him.

"Oh. Elizabeth." Rodney greeted weakly. He sat down, looking slightly sheepish. "How…How did the negotiations go?"

She narrowed her gaze, hardly believing his nerve.

"What is this?" she asked, ignoring his question and gesturing at the game board between the two men. They were in for a _world_ of hurt if they gave her an unsatisfactory answer – if she had to, she'd get Teyla to beat them extra hard at the next team training session.

"Nothing," Rodney responded, attempting to shove extra game pieces out of her sight. "Just a friendly match of _Risk_, the game of strategy and – "

"I know what it is," she interrupted shortly. "What is it doing here?"

Caught, the astrophysicist exchanged a nervous glance with John. He shrugged and tried his chance with the expedition leader. He put on his best placating smile, which only served to annoy her further, and said, "Well, we decided to take your advice and find another outlet for our competitive nature. Isn't this what you had in mind?"

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. Now he was rying to pin the blame on her? Oh, were they in for it. After three full days of stressful negotiations with the pigheaded leaders from the Ancient game, there was not much patience left in Elizabeth to deal with their usual antics.

"Looks like you didn't stray too far from your original outlet," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Didn't you learn _anything_? Four days ago, you two nearly caused a real-life war through some silly strategy game and your petty arguments, and now you're right back at it! How can you live with yourselves, brushing this matter off entirely?"

Rodney held up a finger in protest, as she knew he would.

"This is hardly the same situation, Elizabeth. There's zero chance that _Risk_ could have the same real world effects as our Ancient game."

"That's not the point! You were just arguing about conquering continents and building armies – how does that no correlate to the Ancient 'game?' Thank God Balden and Nola left before they could see their 'Oracles' whining like children – oh wait, I forgot! They already had that impression, thanks to your arguing and name calling during the entire game situation!" Rodney tried to interrupt her, but Elizabeth was on a roll. "It doesn't matter that your game doesn't have any real world consequences! I thought you'd at least learn something from that experience…I guess that's too much to ask from Atlantis's biggest pair of children!"

John at least had the decency to wait for the shrill echoes of her tirade to fade from the room before he spoke up again.

"Elizabeth, relax. We've done this hundreds of times before." he said, leaning his chair back on two legs. "It's just a game."

Oh, was _that_ the wrong thing to say to her, not after all the shit their war games had put her through this week. God help her, she was going to murder her own military commander.

She left her post at the door and walked over to them. She leaned on the table, fixing John with her iciest glare.

"War has never been a game, Colonel Sheppard. That's something I thought you'd know by now." His return glare told her everything she needed to know about what he thought of that comment, but he didn't dare respond. "Put this game away and grow up."

Elizabeth refused to look at either of them again, disgusted, before she turned away. She stalked from the room, her shoulders shaking from barely suppressed rage. Once safely around the corner of the doorway, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to regain her composure.

When she got back to her office, she was going to find that stress ball General O'Neill had sent her and throttle the living daylights out of it. Maybe then she wouldn't need to deck the two of them tomorrow at their mission briefing.

Or maybe she would, if John's petulant mutter of, "Looks like _someone_ just got herself uninvited from our next _Monopoly_ tournament," was anything to go by.

Elizabeth sighed and buried her head in her hands.

Some days this job just wasn't worth it.

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Reviews are greatly appreciated. 


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